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10-19-17 07:23 AM
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Main - The Officer's Club - Coming out as MtF transgender
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IceFairyAmy
Posted on 10-06-17 06:32 AM Link | ID: 102571

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Since: 06-03-14
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For the past year and a half I've been pretty unhappy about being born a male, and feel too much is expected of my personality and appearance than if I was a girl... more lately, I've been thinking to transition in a few years. Unfortunately my parents won't let me do so, so I have to wait until I'm an adult, sadly...

Anyone else here transgender or know any transgender people in any kind of environment? ^^


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Robbie Rage
Posted on 10-06-17 12:56 PM Link | ID: 102581

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Since: 11-22-16
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I don't think any of our most active users here are transgender, so any responses you get will likely be either generic well wishing or sincere curiosity regarding your particular situation. I will be taking the latter stance here, since there's only information one can gleam from two sentences.

Posted by Luigi442wii
For the past year and a half I've been pretty unhappy about being born a male, and feel too much is expected of my personality and appearance than if I was a girl


From what transgender people I've heard from, your gender identity is something that tends to be inherently known, and less to do with any expectation. Your profile also says you're 16, and I do know High School (or whatever the equivalent is where you live) is a mire of strange, rigid social expectations that simply don't exist in the real world.

Again, I'm not going to claim to know much, but I'm still a little confused from your post. Are you exploring this because of the expectations people place on your personality and what people think you should look like, or is there something more to it?

Posted by Luigi442wii
more lately, I've been thinking to transition in a few years. Unfortunately my parents won't let me do so, so I have to wait until I'm an adult, sadly...


First of all, the reaction from your parents doesn't seem that hostile compared to others I've heard from. Have they given you any other reasons for their logic?

Also, you say that you were thinking about fully transitioning in a few years. That would make you about 19 by then (a legal adult by USA standards). Is there a reason why you're thinking about doing this later, and not now?

I know that there's a lot of questions here, but this sounds like a very complicated situation, and I feel that some clarification is necessary before I can reply back with something more helpful and practical to you.

IceFairyAmy
Posted on 10-06-17 01:06 PM Link | ID: 102589

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Since: 06-03-14
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I think I completely wrongly worded that sentence in the first place - I just feel better as a girl rather than a guy, if you get what I mean.

The reason I can't do it now is obviously because my parents are ugh and will not let me do so... when I told them a while ago they actually took my stuff off me and blamed the internet as a bad influence (though I managed to get back online within a week).


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Nicole
Posted on 10-06-17 02:21 PM Link | ID: 102591
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Posted by Robbie Rage
I don't think any of our most active users here are transgender...

Yeah I've been pretty inactive lately sorry :(

I totally see where you're coming from-- I know I felt similar when I came out; as with a lot of emotional feelings, gender identity is really hard to explain in words. Gender is a societal phenomenon as much as a mental one, and expectations from society do play a big deal.

That sucks to hear about your parents :( But very brave of you to try! I never came out to my parents until I had moved out of the house myself as I was very afraid of getting a negative reaction or even thrown out. Are you planning on going to college? I know a lot of colleges in America offer various resources.

Let me know if there's anything I can give advice with! I know how hard it is starting out :)


IceFairyAmy
Posted on 10-06-17 02:31 PM Link | ID: 102592

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Since: 06-03-14
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Yes, I should be going to college next year. However, I'm from the UK. ^-^


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Robbie Rage
Posted on 10-06-17 05:19 PM Link | ID: 102609

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Posted by Luigi442wii
I just feel better as a girl rather than a guy, if you get what I mean.


Actually, no. I don't get what you mean. And that's the tricky part: because transgender people are a relatively small minority, most people just don't understand what gender dysphoria is or how it works. Even many mental health professionals are still learning how it works, much less how your personal experience is and what daily life is like for you. There are definitely people who care and want to listen, however, and that's important to keep in mind.

All that being said, here's a few other things to consider:

- Has there been any threats or physical harm to you? I've heard of different families and classmates react to people who are transgender differently, including those who would use violence to correct what they perceive as a problem. Your physical safety if paramount before anything else. Do you feel safe where you're at right now?

- It may seem like an inconvenience and they may very well be wrong, but from what you've posted, it sounds like your parents are just doing their best to deal with something they don't fully understand. There's always some degree of disconnect between parents and teenagers, and this sounds no different. Besides, once you're a legal adult, the decision making process becomes yours and yours alone anyway.

- Finally, are you speaking to a professional about any of this? Most schools here in the States have counseling services for students, along with connections to some free or low cost therapeutic services. If you can find a decent therapist (especially if you happen to find one specializing in gender dysphoria issues), not only can they help you work through all this stuff yourself, but it could also lend some credibility to what you're experiencing to your parents and get them to ease up a bit.

Again, I'm just some rando on the internet and can't guarantee a specific outcome, but there's just a few things to think about.

StapleButter
Posted on 10-14-17 04:42 PM Link | ID: 102870
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I can only commend you for coming out in public like you did.

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IceFairyAmy
Posted on 10-15-17 08:23 AM Link | ID: 102907

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Since: 06-03-14
From: England

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Yeah. It was difficult wording the post easily (my English isn't that great, especially considering I'm British)... :P


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