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Main - The Officer's Club - Boring flat nerd life... how to get out of it?
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StapleButter
Posted on 08-22-15 03:08 PM Link | ID: 87071
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Is there even a way to get out of it? I lose hope a little more every day. Every time I try, destiny strikes harder to put me back in my little nerd box.



I found out that it all boils down to social intelligence. You make friends, you make more friends, you do interesting shit with them, and you have a not-too-boring life.

How do you make friends? You find people with whom you can share things you are into.

Easy, right?



... not when you're me and the things you are into (hacking, reverse-engineering, programming, etc) are completely alien. Nobody else does that shit, except for like 10 people you can meet via the internet.

That basically leaves me with two solutions with other people:

a) talk about my alien things and bore everyone to death
b) stay silent, be a nerd


Regardless of what I end up doing, I can't make friends. I can hang out with people, that's all. It doesn't help that I'm a complete social idiot, either, but obviously I can't work on my social skills if all I do is stay behind and say nothing.


All of that basically forcing me into a boring, flat nerd life.





Is there a way out of it? As I said, I lose hope a little more every day. But let's say we continue on this way... I am now 40 years old, working a shitty job and getting bored at the office. I remind myself of my oh so crazy youth. That time where you're supposed to have fun and all, and enjoy it while it lasts, right? Was all boring. I failed my life, let's end it now.

No, no, no. I don't want to end up in that shit. Life doesn't have to be shitty (and suicide is for cowards). But where's the way out of this boring shit? What if the destiny really wants me to have a boring life?




It's also a pain to get to do anything interesting here. This place sucks. Getting in any interesting place is a pain.

"just move out" -- yeah yeah, as if it was that easy. I know zero about that field. My mom would abuse that and do everything she can to keep me from doing it, basically shoving a ton of negative shit into my face, as she always does when you want to do something she doesn't approve of. I'd look like a naive dumbass with nothing to stand on, and basically be defeated. And even if I managed to move out... I'd end up with no support because "oh noes, too expensive", and I'd have to work a shitton outside of univ to support myself.

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Nicole
Posted on 08-22-15 06:47 PM Link | ID: 87074
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People tell me online meetup groups (like this) are worthwhile for finding people in your area with similar interests, but I've never tried them. (I keep intending to)

Honestly, if there's an easy solution to this let me know- what happened with me was that I was lucky enough to have an online friend who happened to be rather social in my area, and I was able to piggyback onto her friend group.




ek_0
Posted on 08-24-15 03:57 AM Link | ID: 87097

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Suicide is for cowards?! WTF?!

It may seem like cowardice if you look at it as running away, but it takes every ounce of courage in someone in their mindset to decide and go through with killing themselves. If you are calling them cowards it means they were scared and if they were scared and they wouldn't go through with it.

Not making a statement about anything on your life/situation list here but I had to say something because I hate seeing that.

ゼンガー・ゾンボルト
Posted on 08-24-15 05:21 AM Link | ID: 87100

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Are you gonna leave us? :(

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StapleButter
Posted on 08-24-15 01:34 PM Link | ID: 87102
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Regardless of how much courage suicide may take, it's still the easy way out. Ending your life instead of, you know, living it.


I'm not planning on killing myself, if that's what you mean by 'leaving us'. Looking at it objectively, it's not like my life is completely miserable (and even then, there's always a way out, atleast for certain things).



That said, dunno where to go. All my attempts at being less of a nerd/social idiot have been met with failure so far. I take it as signs that destiny is against me. Then again, that may be bullshit. Repeated failure is something I don't stand well. (that's also why I worry about finding a job, they say you have to apply to a billion jobs to hopefully get something)


I mostly need to harden myself. I have been raised in an easy comfy environment, I have always gotten good grades at school (well, good enough to pass), basically I have never had to work really hard to get something. And well, that's a bad thing now. The time of easy success is over, I have to either harden myself and work hard, or be a loser.


Regarding the social shit, I could try to follow Nicole's advice, see where that gets me. I should also try doing new things, who knows.

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KP
Posted on 08-24-15 01:56 PM Link | ID: 87103
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Posted by StapleButter
Regardless of how much courage suicide may take, it's still the easy way out. Ending your life instead of, you know, living it.


I'm not planning on killing myself, if that's what you mean by 'leaving us'. Looking at it objectively, it's not like my life is completely miserable (and even then, there's always a way out, atleast for certain things).



That said, dunno where to go. All my attempts at being less of a nerd/social idiot have been met with failure so far. I take it as signs that destiny is against me. Then again, that may be bullshit. Repeated failure is something I don't stand well. (that's also why I worry about finding a job, they say you have to apply to a billion jobs to hopefully get something)


I mostly need to harden myself. I have been raised in an easy comfy environment, I have always gotten good grades at school (well, good enough to pass), basically I have never had to work really hard to get something. And well, that's a bad thing now. The time of easy success is over, I have to either harden myself and work hard, or be a loser.


Regarding the social shit, I could try to follow Nicole's advice, see where that gets me. I should also try doing new things, who knows.
Being content with a stagnant lifestyle is just the thing that will keep you away from who you want to be. Having the desire to better yourself in n field is a start. For socializing, being active, talking to people (esp. girls) I've learned that it most definitely does not happen overnight. I've been going through these same motions as you, save for the exclusive life situations, so I can echo the sentiments expressed here. You will notice improvements. You're always going to see a part of you that you don't like, because you're human. Just don't let it get you down, and don't let failure get you down. It will happen, but the way you gain victory and success is how you deal with the failure. Let it teach you. Don't get discouraged because failure might happen often.

I am comfortable with the stagnant lifestyle. But I don't like who I am when I'm idle. But I do want to tell you that you don't have to give up what you like (usually) so don't worry about being a nerd. I'm a nerd, and my friends accept that. They aren't nerds! One of them is a jock! There's the nerds, and the geeks, but the nerds are the ones with friends.

So, again, just be steady at it, keep working hard at your goal, and you'll see that eventually you've become a bit more social than you were before. It's been an ongoing process for me, but it works. Perhaps look at religion, too, if not just for the social aspect of it. Church has helped me bigtime, because I am religious (even though it might not appear straightaway) and am a devout believer; it helps immensely.



StapleButter
Posted on 08-28-15 08:41 PM Link | ID: 87160
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Well, thank you guys for your replies :)


You're right there, KP. I'll try my best. I'll let you guys know how these things go.

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StapleButter
Posted on 10-26-15 04:15 PM Link | ID: 87824
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I hate this. There's no progress happening. I'm stagnating. Well it's because there aren't much new people to meet around the places where I go.


What else could I do? Find things to do. I always have the feeling that anything I will try will end up being a waste of time and money. Even moreso as getting to any interesting place from where I live is a pain. And after all the univ bullshit, I just want to get back home.


Or talk to random strangers? Kind of a waste of time too. Maybe an interesting conversation can happen. But if I don't meet people on a regular basis, they just forget about me.

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Emuz
Posted on 10-26-15 04:35 PM Link | ID: 87826
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Posted by StapleButter
I hate this. There's no progress happening. I'm stagnating. Well it's because there aren't much new people to meet around the places where I go.


What else could I do? Find things to do. I always have the feeling that anything I will try will end up being a waste of time and money. Even moreso as getting to any interesting place from where I live is a pain. And after all the univ bullshit, I just want to get back home.


Or talk to random strangers? Kind of a waste of time too. Maybe an interesting conversation can happen. But if I don't meet people on a regular basis, they just forget about me.


One thing I think would help depending of if you are doing this or not. Worry less about the end results, and try to enjoy the moment itself. Since it takes a lot of time and trial and error sometimes when you are trying to branch out it can be disheartening. It's not wasy, but it works. Just slow and steady! Some people are more social than others. It's normal. I've grown a lot in that category. I used to talk to no one. ;)

What's wrong with being a nerd? Have you tried looking for a group/board/site/whatever that is dedicated for programmers living in France? I would imagine there would be something. Having it be within your country allows you a greater chance of having a face to face meeting or something. :)

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StapleButter
Posted on 10-27-15 11:40 PM Link | ID: 87835
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The thing is, I don't want to regret having wasted my life. Young people are having fun, having amazing parties and vacation trips with friends, having sex with girls, all that. None of that has happened to me so far.

Time passes, and I don't want to end up being one of those frustrated old people who keep telling young people to enjoy their life while it lasts because they failed theirs.

But no matter what I do, I have no control over this. Destiny has decided my life would be the way it is.

It's like for getting girls: why would a girl choose me when there are so many better guys around? Stronger, faster, more beautiful, more intelligent, more fun to be with, etc... Oh right, I have qualities too. Maybe I'm a better programmer. But that doesn't attract girls. Too bad.


Life is going, and I have no control over it. Maybe I should just resign and accept who I am instead of desperately hoping to be who I will never be. Maybe that's the key to happiness.

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