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Main - The Officer's Club - Losing it a little
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ek_0
Posted on 01-15-15 11:15 PM Link | ID: 80991
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So err... I have posted here once and.. You guys... are brilliant hugs all round. I kinda want a little bit of help with... things. (More on that in a minute.)

But yeah so anyone who knows me IRL (Sapphire) would know that I am single and have been for pretty much my whole life. [The last time a girl had an interest in me asked me out and I thought it was a joke], however there may be a thing with another girl that liked me which may have made a guy hate me but there is not enough information to have anything done about that so disregard the second example.

But yeah recently I thought I'd do something about the whole "Single" thing and that ended up with 6-7 (I stopped counting) failed attempts which on it's own isn't good for my self esteem but then a girl who I have genuinely been in love with. Yes LOVE the word that I have hated for years is the word I would use for the feelings I had for her... This is something I kept quite about as she had a few boyfriends while I liked her and she was aware I liked her and was aware I was jealous and she said she LOVED me... For context she was the only and first girl to say she loved me and to this day still is. So I'm gonna have strong feelings for her just from that but then factor in my ability to get really attached to people that show affection back to me, and factor in that I think my autism went into play I think so either add that in or not...

Either way shortly after she said she loved me she told me she didn't anymore, (Now at this point if I did that to HER I would've been goddamn crucified for it), and got with a guy who sent nude pics of her round my old school. {Now before you say that I should've backed out at this point remember I'm an idiot and love is blind okay}. Now I don't know about the rest of you but love isn't a fucking light switch that can just be flicked on and off so obviously I was still pretty in love with her but I decided to just be a nice guy and if it happened it happened...

So months of hearing her complain to me about how her boyfriend doesn't love her and she never finds a right guy and me sitting there like damn it must be horrible to feel like that huh, too bad I wouldn't know [Sarcasm]. But she was aware I liked her still so she must've understood what she was putting me through... (Exactly what she was "going through").

This involved me supporting her for an hour or so while I was at eurogamer because her boyfriend broke up with her for crying out loud and I was only there for like 6 hours which also wasted an hour of one of my friends time too.

But yeah from mid 2014 (When it started) lets fast forward to new years eve shall we?

It ticks over to midnight and I decide to man the F up and get a straight answer out. (Until then she had been giving me maybes and I don't know what the future holds for us whenever I tried to get a straight answer.) And she just rips my heart out... again... and just decides that she didn't have time for this and wants to get it over with because she was having a bad day.

So I kinda spent the first 30 mins of 2015 in tears, but after i pulled myself together I started to get over her... And just earlier today I found out that ANOTHER guy (Her-ex) HATES me because I was apparently hitting on her! (Supporting her while they were going through problems in their relationship) And that was the last straw for me... So I messaged her that I was pissed that this guy hated me and her response was "Lol Ok" so I gave her the whole I'm done I don't want to be hated for supporting a friend thing to which her response was "I'll go then" Like she was FINALLY getting rid off me...

Either way this ended up with me punching a wall...

And it hurt... Not because I loved her... Not because I felt like an ass.. Because another human being... with sentient thoughts... rational decision making... and feelings... decided that they didn't want someone who would actually care about them in their life...

But I have managed to move on and one of my friends decided to try and set me up with a girl who decided that she didn't want me and wanted some other guy again and now I question everything about me...

Now this part may offend some girls who read this but please keep in mind that these are just observations I made that I am writing down.

I don't think girls want what they say that want and preach about in indirect statuses because if it was true then by logic I would have more girls that wanted to be with me and guys like my friends who are also single.

It seems like girls WANT guys who will hurt them (Doesn't apply to all sort of a majority) and I don't know why but it seems ... like if I want to be in a relationship I will need to start acting like a dick to girls I like and it will work?

I don't know and please nobody hate me for saying that but that's what I have observed and remembered and has plagued my thoughts for so long...

I'm just feeling... Violent now... like I'm gonna snap... and I'm scared that when I do... someone is gonna get seriously hurt and I don't wanna hurt people.

Okay I'm gonna leave this here before this becomes a small book, Thanks if you made it this far and I just kinda want any response from this like support, questions, statements, opinions anything... Thank you... really thank you...


Nicole
Posted on 01-16-15 12:58 AM Link | ID: 80996
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I suppose what I'll say is, try not to do anything too rash- and recognize that you can take it slowly here- I was single until I was 22, it goes like that sometimes. Just try to be calm, recognize that it's fine if you don't have a date for a little while, if all the women seem to have toxic opinions, then you don't need to deal with them. There will be others. You only need one.


KP
Posted on 01-16-15 01:04 AM Link | ID: 80997
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I've been single for longer than I'd like, and I know what you mean. I've been through my share of heartache.

Women are going to be women. Some of them are motivated by drama, some are motivated by sex, and some are just baby hungry. (Those women just buy/adopt cats instead)

There's an ugly truth that anyone who's unhappily single needs to come to terms with. You are who you are, and some women (or men, depending on who you are) just don't fancy your type. There's a ton of types out there, and some are less desirable than others.

That is how society works.

The thing is, society doesn't know a damn thing about YOU. So why conform to it?

It happens all the time: they take one look at you, judges you by the minuscule time s/he took to look at you, then goes on their way. Or, maybe they are impressed enough to begin some kind of friendship or relationship, and then breaks it off because you're "not who they thought you were".

And then there's this one, which happens all too rarely: Perhaps, under normal circumstances, s/he doesn't consider a relationship, then discovers your genuine intentions or finds out that the things you do/have done are worthy of her attention.

Being single is hard. If you're motivated by meeting someone to be with, you have to play more than one game at a time. Don't just go for one girl and then put all your eggs in one basket. If you don't know very many girls, do something to change that. Don't dwell on what you don't have.

In fact, please don't take this as insensitivity, but I wish someone said to me what I am about to say to you when I was heartbroken: get over it. The sooner you do, the sooner you'll have a clear mind to learn from your experience and build a defense for the negative.



SapphireBlaze
Posted on 01-16-15 09:12 AM Link | ID: 81005
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This is one of the reasons I've forgone dating entirely for most of my life, because relationships are complicated and don't always follow what you consider to be logical. You have to be emotionally prepared the for the devastating fallout that can occur rather than throwing yourself into it because you feel you should be based on society.

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ek_0
Posted on 01-16-15 11:22 AM Link | ID: 81009
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I'm just saying from what I've heard I'd think that girls would have wanted a guy that would do anything for them, that would stand by them. blah blah blah etc etc etc you get the idea. basically what I wanted to be was exactly what they told me they wanted... And as far as I can tell... It's wrong...

Well either way it's just weird that my being nice to people gets me pushed to the side and hated and I watch as other guys are just dicks to people and all I hear is how great they are. How much people think they are awesome. How much they want to be with them... I'm gonna be honest when I talk to people I feel like I am just wasting there time... That could be me reading people wrong but then again I would have no idea.

Oh and like 90% of the people I talk to are girls and 100% are either not interested in me/In a relationship/In another continent. So nothing really works...

I guess the specific scenario I posted hit me harder though because it was the first time anyone has EVER told me that... And you gotta admit... It seems like a hell to go through for a first love... Some people have cute stories about that sort of stuff... Now I have a story how my heart got ripped out... twice... and that will never change I can't forget this and I don't know what's worse... That I won't forget... or that SHE will... She has "loved" before so I meant practically nothing to her looking back on it and now all that will happen is that I will just fade away in her memory... While I am tortured to have these moments scarred into my mind. First love isn't forgotten...

KP
Posted on 01-16-15 05:46 PM Link | ID: 81015
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Posted by ek_0
I'm just saying from what I've heard I'd think that girls would have wanted a guy that would do anything for them, that would stand by them. blah blah blah etc etc etc you get the idea. basically what I wanted to be was exactly what they told me they wanted... And as far as I can tell... It's wrong...
It is. If girls wanted that type of guy and didn't care about anything else, more girls would be with someone. Thing is, girls want other things, while not caring about others. They'll often tell you exactly what they want when they don't know what the hell they want at all. I mean, some girls have a pretty good idea, but generally it isn't limited to what you said above.

Well either way it's just weird that my being nice to people gets me pushed to the side and hated and I watch as other guys are just dicks to people and all I hear is how great they are. How much people think they are awesome. How much they want to be with them... I'm gonna be honest when I talk to people I feel like I am just wasting there time... That could be me reading people wrong but then again I would have no idea.
It's quite sad that this is true in many cases in relationships these days. They chose strife, so do you even want a girl like that in your life anyway?

Oh and like 90% of the people I talk to are girls and 100% are either not interested in me/In a relationship/In another continent. So nothing really works...
So move on. Find a different group of friends. Tell them the truth; "I'm looking for a relationship, and I'm not going to find them around you". The more exposure to new people you have, the more chances you have. I'm convinced of this, despite not having found someone to be in a relationship with myself.

I guess the specific scenario I posted hit me harder though because it was the first time anyone has EVER told me that... And you gotta admit... It seems like a hell to go through for a first love... Some people have cute stories about that sort of stuff... Now I have a story how my heart got ripped out... twice... and that will never change I can't forget this and I don't know what's worse... That I won't forget... or that SHE will... She has "loved" before so I meant practically nothing to her looking back on it and now all that will happen is that I will just fade away in her memory... While I am tortured to have these moments scarred into my mind. First love isn't forgotten...
I have a really shitty "first love" story too. Having been away from that situation for more than a year and a half, I can look back and say that I have learned a TON of stuff. I'm not going to tell you it doesn't hurt. It does. But I WILL tell you that it DOES get better. Maybe she isn't interested in you; but that means you have the ability to scout the market again to possibly find someone even better than your crush.

I cannot stress this enough:
Look Forward. Act Forward.



ek_0
Posted on 01-16-15 08:19 PM (rev. 2 of 01-17-15 10:31 AM by ek_0) Link | ID: 81022
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I got that I'm not saying that I haven't moved on and that I'm hurting, it's more I'm a little sleepy and have a long train journey back to were I started if that makes sense.

UPDATE: Everything has been sorted out after a massive argument that involved 2 people yelling at me and one person actually talking to me.

SapphireBlaze
Posted on 01-18-15 09:35 AM Link | ID: 81056
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Is this the reason for a certain person announcing that he broke up with his girlfriend on social network recently?

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ek_0
Posted on 01-22-15 03:20 PM Link | ID: 81130
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[SITUATION RESOLVED END OF THREAD BUT READ ON IF YOU WISH]

Okay so things are cool with this, I've moved on, things are looking up and it turns out the girl is manipulating people at my old school so yeah there is no hope for her, and about me worried about people hating me. I remembered I'm 6'5" relatively strong and don't give a fuck anymore about the random people who hate me ^_^

But on a serious note thanks for helping me out on here you guys, specifically Saph, KP and Nicole ^_^ all of you are awesome

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