Your post makes perfect sense to me. There's obviously a lot going on, but one thing you mentioned that jumps out at me above all else: your dad is proud of you. I may not know everything, but I do know the power that hearing those words can have, and it sounds like you believe them. That's huge enough, and I think that's worth acknowledging.

Second, I suggest giving yourself permission to process it all. Specifics aside, it sounds like you both got a direct dose of each other's paradoxical, messy humanity and the effect it's had on your family over the years. Realizing your parents aren't monsters or robots and are actually imperfect humans who (generally) do the best they can is another shock I know a lot about, and can take time to work through. Don't be afraid to take that time. It is absolutely worth it.

Just from this abridged summary you posted, I get the sense that your dad genuinely loves you, in spite of any shortcomings which are all too human anyway. No matter what else, you can still hang on to that reality. As for everything else, taking the time to process and grieve whatever you need will usually yield results. Plus, any number of counseling services and the like are available to take you the rest of the way.

You're on the right track. Don't give up.