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Posted on 08-08-20 07:33 AM Link | ID: 161613
Normal User


Level: 7

Posts: 10/11
EXP: 1273
Next: 175

Since: 08-01-20

Last post: 1206 days
Last view: 941 days
Between probably 2003 to 2008 I spent some time in the acmlm boards.

Back then I was a teenager and really struggled to figure out who I was. Lived with an emotionally abusive father, suffered depression, made a lot of bad decisions. I had a tendency to lash out at others over my own poor judgements.

Given that my self-esteem has been broken several times in the real world, I sort of made up my own ridiculous stories and started arguments habitually. I guess this was a way of supplementing my ego and deluding myself? It kinda dawned on me one day that no matter what I claimed to be no one is impressed.

An awful lot has happened since I stopped logging in. One day I looked up the internet archives and reread my posts from over a decade ago thinking, "Wow! Did I REALLY talk like that?" It honestly sickened me to my stomach thinking how terrible I was to virtually everyone. Deliberately hurting people online isn't even in my heart anymore. It got me worked up for no reason and is a complete waste of time.

And I know some people may say, "It's just the internet, it isn't real." But everyone knows there are real people behind those screen names. People who live their own lives and deal with their own struggles. Anyone can be terrible to others online under the veil of anonymity. But I find it is wiser to treat everyone, at the very least, with basic dignity and respect. I strongly prefer to exercise kindness in the hopes of inspiring a chain reaction.

And I've undergone some drastic physical changes that actually made me feel a LOT better about myself, which is probably going to be a story for another time because... it's a long one!

Anyhow, if you remember my old handles such as "The_Raven" or "Cruel Justice"...

Yeah... that's me.

Posted on 08-08-20 06:17 PM Link | ID: 161615
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Handsome Gentleman
Level: 96

Posts: 2908/3223
EXP: 8793503
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Since: 08-05-17
From: Africa

Last post: 873 days
Last view: 873 days
I don't personally know any of your old aliases or what you did or anything, but I reckon it's really not something you should concern yourself with. At the very least, it's not something to kick yourself over. It really doesn't matter for the present. If you can look back on it in that way, you've made some level of improvement. It's good to reflect on what you did wrong, so as not to repeat it in the future. So long as you're doing that, you're fine.

Truthfully, I think it's totally normal to look back on your old online activities in that way. I can remember a time in which I was a genuinely belligerent, insufferable asshole. I often look back on that time and really can't stand myself the more I remember things I said, things I did, and just everything about that whole time. Kids and teenagers will inevitably do stupid shit, online or otherwise.

Regardless of how you used to be, you seem like a good person to me. I commend you for being willing to be so open about your old aliases and old actions and everything, and good on you for eventually realizing those old behaviors of yours were far from an ideal way to act.

Giant Paratroopa
Affected by 'Wooster Syndrome' ++++!!
Handsome Gentleman

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