Who here plays? I'm sure some of us do. Tell us your stories, brag about your level 20 Paladin

I REALLY want to but there are no groups here at all. I also dunno where to start, what to do, any of that. I have friends who play, but the don't live here so they can't help get me started in the world of D&D.
I was thinking of studying up and running a game through text on the Kitchen Table, cause I'm not much for the erratic form of RP they have in there anymore. I would love to try out some D&D though, and it MIGHT work on a forum...? Hell I dunno.