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Main - The Officer's Club - The reason I can't participate in discussions...
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Lili~ ♥
Posted on 07-01-12 07:44 PM Link | ID: 19223
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Yeah, as some of you may know, I'm pretty much completely isolated in social life. There are multiple reasons to that, of course, some of which I explained, but there is one thing that is especially crippling:

Whenever I try to voice my opinion in a discussion, I seem to always get interrupted by someone else. As soon as I bring something up, someone else decides to just start speaking so I can barely say anything. This happens pretty much in every discussion with multiple people, and it always happens to me.

The same thing recently even happened while trying to order something in a store. Other customers always interrupted me, and... I never got to place my order.

My question, is it something with me? What am I doing wrong that everyone feels like interrupting me? Why is this happening?

Kawa
Posted on 07-01-12 07:51 PM Link | ID: 19224
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Obvious pony jokes aside, you really should get some assertiveness training.

Gohan
Posted on 07-01-12 07:56 PM Link | ID: 19225
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Posted by Liliana
Yeah, as some of you may know, I'm pretty much completely isolated in social life. There are multiple reasons to that, of course, some of which I explained, but there is one thing that is especially crippling:

Whenever I try to voice my opinion in a discussion, I seem to always get interrupted by someone else. As soon as I bring something up, someone else decides to just start speaking so I can barely say anything. This happens pretty much in every discussion with multiple people, and it always happens to me.

The same thing recently even happened while trying to order something in a store. Other customers always interrupted me, and... I never got to place my order.

My question, is it something with me? What am I doing wrong that everyone feels like interrupting me? Why is this happening?


Nothing is wrong with you, although I really wouldn't know I haven't seen you in person or anything at all. But AFAIK you're fine.

They're probably just a bunch of assholes that don't care about much of anything, just keep going on with your life and it will blow over eventually. I can't really give much advice towards this sort of thing considering I am pretty much always heard but some people choose to ignore my thoughts on some things.

But what I can tell you is if you really don't like it, do it to them and show them exactly what you put up with, perhaps? That or speak loudly maybe or try to get the attention of the person you're speaking to.

Nicole
Posted on 07-01-12 08:15 PM Link | ID: 19229
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I often feel in a similar way... (I was actually briefly on medicine for social anxiety, but I don't remember it having much of an effect)

I've noticed in my case a lot of it seems to be from my tone of voice; I tend to speak very quietly in such a way that is easily ignored, so maybe a way to get more attention would be to try and speak louder?

Epele
Posted on 07-01-12 11:46 PM Link | ID: 19258
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Nicole's point of speaking louder holds true. I still have the same problem though, but it's somewhat more situational for me.

There's a two word phrase that can typically overpower most people who try to talk over you for their own gain. The phrase being "Excuse me?"

That.. usually works to shut people up and get them to listen if they're being rude. Else, it's just a matter of being loudest in group conversations at times.


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Gohan
Posted on 07-01-12 11:48 PM Link | ID: 19259
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Posted by Gywall
Nicole's point of speaking louder holds true.


I suggested it first. >_>

Posted by Rydia
That or speak loudly maybe or try to get the attention of the person you're speaking to.


..whelp..:/

Arisotura
Posted on 07-01-12 11:53 PM Link | ID: 19262
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However, trying to impose yourself can be seen as intrusive. That must be used wisely.

What I typically do when I don't manage to talk, is consider whether what I want to say is important or not. If it is, I'll try waiting for an appropriate blank and ensure noone starts talking over me, and speak loud enough. If it isn't, I'll just forget about it.

The number of people in the group also matters. Getting attention will be easier in smaller groups. You could perhaps try to choose your groups according to this...

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Lili~ ♥
Posted on 07-03-12 09:03 PM Link | ID: 19438
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Posted by Mega-Mario
The number of people in the group also matters. Getting attention will be easier in smaller groups. You could perhaps try to choose your groups according to this...

That is true I suppose. Heck, I already avoid large groups because I know I'll just get drowned among all the people and get no chance of participating at all.

...of course, I haven't done much better in smaller groups either.

Lunaria
Posted on 07-05-12 01:44 PM Link | ID: 19715
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It's easier to talk about something that everyone have in common and that you burn for. It also helps if you have no shame. And what I mean with that is, just speak what comes natural in your mind, don't worry too much about what you say. (Under the assumptions that you're with friends.)

If that's too hard then try doing it on internet over skype or some other voice chat. (It's a bit easier to talk when you don't have faces looking at you.)

Also note that it's standard human reaction to look at who talks, simply since that's where the sound comes from (or so I assume.) People are not staring you and not everyone are judging you. But 60% of what we try to tell each other is done in none verbal form with body language, this is one of the reasons people look at you when you talk. :P

Practices makes perfect, and the more you try, the more confidence you will build up. Don't sit around thinking that you're terrible at it, do your best! And if everything does not work out at the end of the day? Well, hey, at least you tried your god darn best, and that's what counts; And you know what? It's also what matters the most: How you feel about it!

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Taryn
Posted on 07-08-12 05:28 PM Link | ID: 19923
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I'm the same way IRL. If I'm talking to one other person I'm fine, but in a group I tend to get drowned out. Work is an exception because I'm in a position of authority.

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Marzen64
Posted on 07-12-12 02:49 PM Link | ID: 20354
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I used to be the same way, too (still am on occasion, but you can't always get rid of a passive personality). I'd talk and people'd talk over me, and I couldn't but into a conversation or a situation, even if I absolutely NEEDED to.

Posted by Nicole
I've noticed in my case a lot of it seems to be from my tone of voice; I tend to speak very quietly in such a way that is easily ignored, so maybe a way to get more attention would be to try and speak louder?


I find this worked for me. I talk much more assertively and louder now, and actually, I blame that tone of voice on Let's Playing. I basically PRACTICED louder and... I'd say "alive" speaking to myself, for the internet. It actually helped quite a bit, you'd be surprise. I'm not saying you need to sit in your room and practice into the mic speaking, that sounds silly, but speaking a little more assertively will help. Of course, not TOO assertive now, but that goes without saying.

"GIVE ME SOME FUCKING SERVICE" will not get you far.

Emuz
Posted on 07-13-12 06:26 PM Link | ID: 20413
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I would say that I used to be the quietest one in the room. Over the years I've gained confidence to actually be social IRL. What I found is having a sense of humor about things can help.

Wait your turn, say what you want to see with a polite confidence, and know you have the right to speak up... don't let the group think prevent you from doing so. If someone interrupts you keep at it until you get your voice heard.

I've been lucky in that even when I was mostly too shy to ever talk, I could when it was needed speak up, logically, make a valid argument, and I was heard. (Well except with girls I like.. I'm just a total derp. lol)

Confidence. That's the key. (humor too helps) You have the right to express an opinon, do not forget that; do not let someone drowned you out. Do it with politeness and respect. You have to respect others to be respected.

Your outward reflection is based on what you feel on the inside. Start small in your confidence. If you have a bad day, share it with a firend. Talking thing out helps to build the confidence as well.


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