I'm sorry to hear you had such a troubling dream. That being said, I am inclined to ask the following question with complete seriousness:

How old are you really?

The reason I ask this is because in the context of your posts, you come across as being relatively younger than some other members here, and in a period of life many of us have already lived through.As one of those members who has done just that (partly through Acmlmboards, no less) I can say with absolutely certainty that the following two things are true:

1) Learning to forgive yourself is important. We will continue to make mistakes, learn from them, and grow, especially when we're younger. It's just a part of the human experience. I tend to be my own harshest critic, and I need to remind myself all the time that beating myself up does nothing. Learning from the experience, however, is the best thing you can do.

2) Getting older may be scary, but it's not always bad. Sure, there's definitely a lot of uncertainty and even regrets that come with the passage of time, but there's also more opportunities to improve, grow, and achieve dreams. It wasn't long ago I turned 30 and had a similar experience of lamenting my more youthful years, until I stopped and reflected. While I do regret my past foolish behaviors, I also saw how much I grew, and realized I was honestly the happiest I've ever been in my life.

While the future may be uncertain, as long as we live and breathe, each day brings an opportunity for something new. You're not living something anyone else hasn't, and if we made it out the other side, I'm certain you can as well.

Posted by Swingball

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P.S. Robbie I am 19 yrs old.

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Yeah, that sounds about right. I remember having a similar feeling around that time, but it didn't last for me either.

Besides, consider this: One day soon, there will be people on Kafuka who have literally been posting on Acmlmboards before you were even born.

Think about that.