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08-17-19 02:49 PM
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Main - The Officer's Club - This is how I'm feeling...
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Googie
Posted on 01-14-19 02:56 AM Link | ID: 145707

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Since: 08-07-12
From: Brooklyn, NY

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With dealing with homelessness and dealing with my mental issues, I feel like life is not worth living anymore.

I don't want to even make it to my 44th Birthday, I tried throwing myself in front of a train to end it all, but I keep seeing my mother's face in my thoughts.

I tried calling the suicide hotline, they told me that I'll get over my mental issues when I get a job, so I'm never calling them ever again.

I'm 43 years old and I have nothing to show for it, my ex fiance abandoned me when I was in the shelter system for a few months. I found out the hard way she never loved me. I'm trying to find a way that life is worth living, but I can't.

I started seeing a therapist and she's really no help, I take psych meds for my mental issues and I don't feel any better.

No woman wants a broken man like me, all the women I ever dated in my life acted like I was an ATM machine anyway. I'm trying to keep positive like everyone on Facebook tells me, but no dice. I don't see a way out anywhere.

This is how I'm feeling... ;_;


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Thieppy
Posted on 01-14-19 04:20 AM Link | ID: 145708


gee, waffles!
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Since: 03-19-13

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Posted by Googie
With dealing with homelessness and dealing with my mental issues, I feel like life is not worth living anymore.

first off, dealing with homelessness and mental issues while grieving the only people you loved all at once.. would be hard on anyone. just anyone.
I've heard plenty detail about your situation to tell you that, you're massively unlucky. if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be any better than you are. just leaving that out there.

Posted by Googie
I don't want to even make it to my 44th Birthday, I tried throwing myself in front of a train to end it all, but I keep seeing my mother's face in my thoughts.

in your worst hours you'll think back on the geniune hope you truly had. suicide isn't easy because your mind tries to escape. you don't need me to tell you, but treasure that memory.

you've probably heard this a hundred times, but please don't kill yourself.
I don't have the proper words to discourage you from attempting to end it. said words would be guilt-tripping you into backing away for the sake of your loved ones.. which's further terrible.

Posted by Googie
I tried calling the suicide hotline, they told me that I'll get over my mental issues when I get a job, so I'm never calling them ever again.

..are they retarded? what you need is immediate help, not just "it's gonna be fine lol".

Posted by Googie
I'm 43 years old and I have nothing to show for it, my ex fiance abandoned me when I was in the shelter system for a few months. I found out the hard way she never loved me. I'm trying to find a way that life is worth living, but I can't.

that sucks. that bloody sucks. I have no words for such a huge blow to your entire life.
for now, I wish you can find a stable home or permanent shelter. you need that much dealt with to proceed and look for a way to live that isn't devoid of hope and meaning.

Posted by Googie
I started seeing a therapist and she's really no help, I take psych meds for my mental issues and I don't feel any better.

not all therapists are "good". not all can truly connect with thier patients. I know it's supposed to take time, but you can see through thier attitude quickly.

how many times have I heard of psych meds not working or worsening things. IMO they fail to help when you're already down. that just voids whatever positive effect it might have.

Posted by Googie
No woman wants a broken man like me, all the women I ever dated in my life acted like I was an ATM machine anyway.

those women are cheap. just cheap.
it's too late to be saying this, but don't commit to this kind of relationship lest you find someone you truly connect with. someone with whom you communicate heart to heart. both parties have to care for eachother. not just for thier self-benefit.

geniune relationships.. means escaping the game of exploitation. even if they don't take your money, them dating for the sake of being in a relationship is just using you.


Posted by Googie
I'm trying to keep positive like everyone on Facebook tells me, but no dice. I don't see a way out anywhere.

what's there to fix when it's not you, but your surroundings that are messed up? you may not be perfect (and nobody is) and society doesn't like you because you don't feed it with profit, but you're not broken, or wrong, or whatever life tells you over and over.

wether you amount to something that pleases anyone should be up to you.

don't force yourself to be positive. you need somewhere to let out your feelings.
"the people on Facebook" can go fuck themselves, you can be pessimistic and realistic without being a pain to be around. for your own sake, being true to yourself isn't something to be ashamed of.
not all flaws can be fixed, but you shouldn't condemn yourself for those flaws. what matters most is how you feel.

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sidelocks

fiver
Posted on 01-16-19 02:58 AM Link | ID: 145735

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Since: 05-23-16
From: Atlanta
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Posted by Googie
I tried calling the suicide hotline, they told me that I'll get over my mental issues when I get a job, so I'm never calling them ever again.


Wow. That is awful. That is absolutely no help at all. I understand your feelings about that.

I don't have much life experience, all I can really say is I read most of your posts on here if I get the chance. You've always come off as a good guy to me, and it just sucks that good people everywhere always suffer, one way or another.

Don't commit suicide. I can't explain why it's such a bad idea without guilting you, but.. just stick in there. I hope things get better for you.

Iris
Posted on 01-19-19 10:16 AM Link | ID: 145805
Banned

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See rosyilu
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Yeah, personally I'd try to get the name of said person (assuming they record calls) and get them fired from their job for that. That sounds horrific to anyone, not even considering the truly fucked up situation you're in...

And yeah, Googie, you're a good guy. ^^ Please don't hurt those who love you being a part of this community...

Thieppy
Posted on 01-20-19 01:42 AM Link | ID: 145827


gee, waffles!
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Since: 03-19-13

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just pointing out, not everyone is bloodthirsty for revenge. getting a person fired is a big ordeal that isn't worth the effort. there's a ton off them out there.


regardless, Googie. I hope you the best. feel free to let out your feelings like you did here more often. if there's one thing we faraway folks can be, it's a listening ear.

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sidelocks

fiver
Posted on 01-20-19 07:05 PM Link | ID: 145846

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Since: 05-23-16
From: Atlanta
ID: 308

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Posted by Iris
Yeah, personally I'd try to get the name of said person (assuming they record calls) and get them fired from their job for that. That sounds horrific to anyone, not even considering the truly fucked up situation you're in...

Kind of regurgitating what Thierry said but this is not something that really makes you feel good or feel better, or at least thats how I would feel

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