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Main - The Officer's Club - Should I give up?
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Marzen64
Posted on 03-16-13 10:16 PM, in Link | ID: 31957
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This is a thread about the girl I love, but a little backstory first.

I've known Jenisha for about four years now. We met over the internet, but trust each other completely. We instantly became very close friends, and I also very quickly developed a small crush for her. I tried to give it up because of multiple reasons: 1) she had said she didn't want to be in a relationship until she graduated from college, so she could focus on school and 2) No relationships that are long distance, anyways. So I gave up.

Or at least tried to. This trying went on three years.

Every time I think I broke my crush, it came back pretty strong. It's hard to describe why, but if you've ever had very strong feelings for someone you find perfect, you might know kinda where I'm coming from. This went on for years, until finally I said to her "I'm heading down to Florida in the summer, when I'm there, let's meet up and go on a date". I meant a friend date, cause I talk about friend-dates a lot in our groups we hang out at. I didn't mean anything extreme, but she said yes and actually meant yes to a date date.

So turns out crushage was both ways, and I was happy as could be. This was somewhat short lived: Her dad said no. Jenisha's Indian, and in India there is no dating. Dating doesn't exist, so her parents don't really get what it is. They also want her to not be with anyone (cause they see it as a kind of marriage) until she graduates, cause she's too young. Also, they want her to be with an Indian only. Why, I can only assume (Bigotry, family issues, etc), but it hit me kinda hard. But then Jenisha said we should go out anyway. So we did, for five months, we secret-dated underneath her dad's nose, until he found out last week.

He knows she loves me back but that's not good enough for him. Indian or go home. I'm willing to wait the three years for us to graduate for her, that I'm fine with (I was fine with it before we secret-dated), but if he's going to refuse to let her be with who she wants, I dunno. He's said he'd never force her to marry, and he also said that once she graduated she could do whatever she wanted, but I'm afraid he won't hold that commitment. Jenisha says she hasn't given up hope, and neither have I, but I'm wondering if that's a good idea.

Anyone else know anything about Indian culture to help? Or even not, what do you think? Should I give up? I care for her a lot, but if it'll end up hurting us, I don't know. I know what I want, but I'm worried it's not for the best. What do you guys think?

(I was coerced into making this thread by Liliana, so if people think I'm being dumb or whining about my problems or whatever, there's an outlet to whine at :D)



Ryudo
Posted on 03-17-13 12:14 PM, in Link | ID: 31977
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Honestly man, don't ever give up. Me and my wife had a long distance relationship for 3 years before getting married, and 2 years after getting married. How things turn out and whether or not you stay together and dedicated to each other is a test of patience.

As to her father and the Indian culture...I don't have any helpful info there, other than I don't think you can force someone into marriages in the states. I would think that works the same way as making a will; if you're being forced to do one, it's not a legal document. Possibly something to look a little further into.

Keep your head up and stick with it, both of you. If its what you both want, then it's totally worth it.

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Kironide
Posted on 05-12-13 12:53 AM, in Link | ID: 33518
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If you want an Indian parent to approve of you, you need to

1) pursue prestigious higher education
2) make a lot of money
3) demonstrate your innate moral worth

but it is possible.

GreyMaria
Posted on 05-12-13 01:08 AM, in Link | ID: 33519
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If you need to get real advice, don't let Kironide anywhere near you.

And when he does come, point him at a calendar and tell him your problem was a month ago.

Kironide
Posted on 05-12-13 01:33 AM, in Link | ID: 33520
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I'm pretty sure I have more experience with Indian people than you do lol

GreyMaria
Posted on 05-12-13 03:39 AM, in Link | ID: 33533
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Posted by Kironide
I'm pretty sure I have more experience with Indian people than you do lol


And I'm pretty sure I have more experience with good, timely advice than you do.

Marzen64
Posted on 06-05-13 10:32 PM, in Link | ID: 34001
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Posted by GreyMaria
And when he does come, point him at a calendar and tell him your problem was a month ago.



Doesn't mean it's not still valid. In fact, it's more valid now, cause although we're still hopeful this will work out, she's gotten really distant cause she doesn't wanna get hurt anymore by thinking about how stupid this whole situation is.

Any advice is sound to me.

Also, Kiro, I'm working towards a doctorate, I'mma be a teacher, and I constantly show my "innate moral worth", which I'm surprised is something you can comprehend, you heartless commie (<3). So I got 2/3.



Googie
Posted on 06-05-13 11:23 PM, in Link | ID: 34002
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When I used to work as a doorman in Jersey City NJ, there was an Indian woman named Yaneet, she was living with her Sister & her brother in law back then. She moved from India to the U.S. to get an education. And I gotta tell ya, she had the ONLY body with the only phat ass! ;)

We were starting to like each other & she was feeling me cause the way I made her laugh, Yaneet used to come down to talk to me at the front desk and/or bring me food. She came out straight to me & said she liked me,& I told her I liked her back. We were seeing each for a couple of weeks without her sister & her brother in law knowing.

Yaneet backed out, she was too afraid to go further with me because she said that if her sister found out we were seeing each other, she was afraid to get sent back to India. I was a little hurt but I took it like a man & moved on. In that culture it's really about financial stability, that thing of Indian only that's the old school way of thinking.

I've worked around them from 2000 to 2004 and when I used to help caucasian men married to Indian women, it was all about financial stability. I used to get information out of my tenants, and they used to tell me how much they'd make a year. ;)

Should you give up? It's totally up to you, my advice to you is have another chick on the side in case it doesn't work out & you won't be so hurt. I may be 38 years old but I've been around lol!

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Kironide
Posted on 08-04-13 03:41 AM, in Link | ID: 35134
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Posted by Marzen64
Posted by GreyMaria
And when he does come, point him at a calendar and tell him your problem was a month ago.



Doesn't mean it's not still valid. In fact, it's more valid now, cause although we're still hopeful this will work out, she's gotten really distant cause she doesn't wanna get hurt anymore by thinking about how stupid this whole situation is.

Any advice is sound to me.

Also, Kiro, I'm working towards a doctorate, I'mma be a teacher, and I constantly show my "innate moral worth", which I'm surprised is something you can comprehend, you heartless commie (<3). So I got 2/3.


you make me proud

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