Fun... or not.


My parents' plan is basically:
1. finish your studies
2. find a job
3. now your life is on rails and we can get rid of you

and anything not fitting that will automatically mean that I want to live off of them forever. They don't realize it, but... I really don't want that.


My studies would be finished in one year, normally. If I pass this year. Which is unclear. Failure would be undesirable because I have already failed another year and my parents would be here to rub that in my face and basically be annoying. They're already doing that (rub my failures in my face to justify things) and successes don't seem to matter. Oh well. I can't tell whether I will pass.


I'm planning to move the fuck out during the summer. There are several unknowns and potential issues to it though.

I want to move far away from their house, so they aren't tempted to visit me every fucking day. This means that I'll have to book a hotel or whatever for a while. Can't stay there forever as that's expensive, even a cheap crapo hotel.

I have to use that time to find an apartment, which isn't going to be easy. Then find a part-time job to support myself. Part of me fears finding one but not the other.

I'm not counting on support from my parents. My reasons for leaving aren't reasons they would understand, but uh, I really need to move out of this fucking place for my own sanity.


My own sanity? Yeah. Mom can be an annoying derpass. Like, I can talk about something random and she brings it back to "you should go work for univ" or such crap. I'm not badgering you about your job, so leave me the fuck alone.

It can't be that simple though. Sometimes we reach agreements but they tend to not last at all, she will conveniently 'forget' about them. Her crap sometimes has undertones of "you will fail if you don't do it my way". Long story short, she's being toxic.

The worst was a few months ago when I had decided to go job hunting. They started being very annoying and pressuring about it. I later decided to go back to univ, which was partially to calm them down. But that's only a temporary solution. Whenever I will be job-hunting again, I will get the same shit all over again. "you should be spending all your time seeking for a job otherwise that means you're doing nothing you lazy fuck".

Well, leaving should improve our relations, maybe she will finally consider me an adult and not a leecher she needs to pressure to get rid of. Well, that's if she doesn't rage at me.




The tricky part will be finding an apartment, I guess. In France most landlords want you to be perfect, ie. either have a big paycheck or have other persons with big paychecks to back you up, or both. There are still possibilities without that, but it's not going to be easy. I just hope I don't end up spending all my savings into hotel crap.

I will be leaving somewhere mid-Summer. I will claim that I'm going on vacation with friends (which I have never done, but I hope to do it soon, heh) which will just be a pretext for leaving and for not spending vacation with them.


Wish me luck. Any advice is welcome.

____________________
Kuribo64 - melonDS

want some revolution in your coffee?

Well, thanks


While I'm at it, I also want to spend more time making friends and such, and less on the internet. This is where moving out opens more possibilities-- the place I'm stuck in is fucking boring, and getting anywhere is a pain.

Sure, I could get a car, but right now I'd rather much get away from mom.


As for where to go, I'm considering Montpellier. I have to check their univ's programs though, but it seems mostly good.

I found out that they have an oenology diploma. We poked some fun at that one with a friend

____________________
Kuribo64 - melonDS

want some revolution in your coffee?

re: univ at Montpellier

possible changes in plans, I might have to put studies aside and save money depending on how much I will earn vs how much I will have to pay



also, confirmation from mom of what I have always thought:

parental love is optional. We will only be proud of you if you're a good kid who makes things that makes us proud (ie. work in mom's way, be a carbon copy of her).

It's fucking disgusting. When I call her out about that, her immediate response is "would you be proud of your son if he murdered people?" -- probably not, but that's very far-fetched, I don't fucking murder people. She's full of shit as usual.

The day before that, I wrote big messages detailing what issues I have with her. I put effort in being honest and not just being an asshole. What effect did that have? Directing that to a brick would have been more productive.

Bricks don't lie.

Basically she doesn't give a shit about my feelings and just wants me to be her. Fuck that shit.



Whatever. I need out of here for my own sake. This will have priority over any studies. I could always continue them later given enough funds, but eh, I can very well work right now and earn enough to support myself.

____________________
Kuribo64 - melonDS

want some revolution in your coffee?

Thanks for the advice. I should be okay as far as cash is concerned though, I have about 5000€ in savings.


Anyway, the adventure is going on. I had trouble finding the hotel, but eventually I did it. The hotel is in a remote place so I'll likely rent a car to get around.

____________________
Kuribo64 - melonDS

want some revolution in your coffee?

ugh


I feel like I'm wasting my time and money here. Neither my quest nor my presence are legit. And for every attempt I will make at getting an apartment, there will be better candidates, more deserving and more legit than me.


I have visits planned for tomorrow. If I get nothing good out of them, I'm giving up. I don't have the energy and will to continue this shit forever. I can keep saying that "I will feel better tomorrow", but it just keeps going down. I even have trouble motivating myself to get out of the room and go eat somewhere for dinner.

____________________
Kuribo64 - melonDS

want some revolution in your coffee?

Well thanks!


That's some good advice too. Will also definitely help me build a decent social life


Either way, I'm likely going to be able to rent an apartment. Which makes me feel a lot better. I hate the feeling of seeing no way out.

I'll keep you guys updated on that.

---

now, as I have some free time, a fun readout of my adventure.


Tue 06-21: packing the most important shit in my big chest. I will have to come back 'home' later to pick up the rest.


Wed 06-22: waking up ass-early to get to the right train station. One bus and two trains later, I'm there. Early enough to get some food and all.

I notice they have luggage lockers, decide to use them in the waiting time. I was thinking it'd just be "find free locker, put chest in, get key/code, maybe drop a coin", but nope. They make my shit go through a xray scanner (so you may bring a bomb into the train but not into the lockers. interesting). The process is overall involved and they tell me that I wasted my money because I didn't stay long at all.

I get registered and board on the train. End up going backwards. lol

At around 2PM, I'm arrived. I still have to find the hotel. I don't know where to go and my phone's battery is almost dead. I plug it to my tablet to atleast keep it alive. Trying to figure out where to go, I realize I was headed for the wrong hotel, but no big deal. I eventually reach the right place, see a hotel. Finally, I'm there... or so I think.

I walk around under 25+°C heat, trying and failing to find the entrance for a while. I get there, enter and ask about my booking.

... wrong hotel.

The right one is on the other side of the nearby highway.

I walk around some more, trying to figure out where I can get to the other side safely. Following the most straightforward path isn't always a good idea. It got dangerous and I backed off.

Eventually found out the right path, with a ridiculous detour. During the adventure, a wheel of my trolley chest crapoed itself. Dragging it around under the sun and heat was no fun.

But eventually I make it to the hotel. Only took what, two hours

I don't do much beyond continuing my search for apartments.


Thu 06-23: I get in town, explore places, get a bike to get around without walking to town for ages.

Either way, I love the place. I've rarely been that active before.

It was mostly because I was stuck in that shithole with nothing. Any travel had to be carefully planned to get the busses, esp. in midday where there was only one bus per hour.

This place has everything you need. The weather is nice (as in, actual Summer). The tramway network gets you everywhere you need and operates almost all day long. Apparently there's even a shuttle that goes to beaches, I haven't checked it out yet though.


Fri 06-24: I get an opportunity to visit a shared flat. The place is pretty and the guy seems cool. Might work.

(there was another visit planned but it was cancelled)

Which is also when I tell my parents about my true plan. Obviously, they don't really enjoy the surprise. I apologize for it and explain that I wanted to avoid confrontations the day of my departure. I give them my reasons (without going "you suck and I can't take living with you anymore" ).

The argument pretty much drained my energy.


Sat 06-25: We all feel better. They got over the bad surprise and are willing to help me, which is fairly nice.

I get the result for Friday's visit: someone else was picked. No problem. I keep searching. I register to a site where landlords can contact you when they have flats for rent that match your criteria.


Sun 06-26: I get a call from a landlord who is an old fart and shoots me down because I don't instantly know everything at this time. That didn't help my self-confidence.

Nothing of interest during the weekend though. Some more visits booked.


Mon 06-27: first visit goes pretty well. Everything is okay, we start doing the procedure and all. I cancel the other visits, no real point anymore.

This also gives me the energy boost I so needed.

I bug my parents to send the required shit asap. Which they do. If all goes well, I can finally settle Friday.


Tue 06-28: nothing of interest. Buying some shit to fix the crapoed wheel on my chest.



there was also a point during the adventure where the Windows install on my laptop crapoed itself. It would just sit on a black screen and never do anything. Good thing I had Ubuntu alongside it.

the best part was when I started googling about the issue. All the answers were like "you're screwed, back up your shit and reinstall Windows!".

how I fixed it? I renamed hiberfil.sys from Ubuntu. Got the "Windows wasn't shut down properly" screen, then it booted fine.

____________________
Kuribo64 - melonDS

want some revolution in your coffee?

the continuation and end of my adventure


Wed 06-29: hotel booking ends. I go to another hotel.

A real fun hotel. The bathroom looks like what you find in luxurious hotels... if you look at it from the right angle. Don't look at the ceiling.


Thu 06-30: nothing of interest. Setting up shit like insurance etc.


Fri 07-01: I get the keys to my new home. I start moving some of my shit there.


Sat 07-02: I finish moving. Goodbye crapo hotel. I can finally settle in my new home

It's not quite finished, but it's pretty good so far.



Thank you guys for your support and all!

____________________
Kuribo64 - melonDS

want some revolution in your coffee?

Fuck that shit. I'm moving back to the shithole.

I'm only making a big mistake here and wasting all my money.

I will never find a job, not even in retail or crap. For each opportunity, there's what, 500 guys who had the same idea. That store, I tried going back and asking them about my application, the guy looked in their drawer and they had a ton of unsorted resumes.

How am I supposed to ever get a job in that situation? They can't just hire everyone who applied. They will pick the best resumes. Those who have the most experience, those who have charisma, those who they are friends with... and certainly not me. I have zero experience, the charisma of a brick, a dumb ugly face, no friends, and the social skills of a rock.

I'm not going anywhere. I keep running into walls like an idiot, hoping one of them will break. The only sensible move is to go back.

I was dumb and thought I could manage something I can't manage. I'm a loser. I don't belong in this world.

____________________
Kuribo64 - melonDS

want some revolution in your coffee?