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04-26-24 11:08 PM |
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Main - Posts by  Decoy Blimp |
| Decoy Blimp |
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Normal User
Level: 44    
Posts: 401/524 EXP: 599261 Next: 12024 Since: 06-26-17 From: Maryland Last post: 309 days Last view: 31 days |
YEET |
| Decoy Blimp |
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Normal User
Level: 44
Posts: 402/524 EXP: 599261 Next: 12024 Since: 06-26-17 From: Maryland Last post: 309 days Last view: 31 days |
Bees? |
| Decoy Blimp |
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Normal User
Level: 44
Posts: 403/524 EXP: 599261 Next: 12024 Since: 06-26-17 From: Maryland Last post: 309 days Last view: 31 days |
I mean it's only my favorite game of all time |
| Decoy Blimp |
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Normal User
Level: 44
Posts: 404/524 EXP: 599261 Next: 12024 Since: 06-26-17 From: Maryland Last post: 309 days Last view: 31 days |
SCARLXRD - HEART ATTACK
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| Decoy Blimp |
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Normal User
Level: 44
Posts: 405/524 EXP: 599261 Next: 12024 Since: 06-26-17 From: Maryland Last post: 309 days Last view: 31 days |
Never thought of it that way  |
| Decoy Blimp |
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Normal User
Level: 44
Posts: 406/524 EXP: 599261 Next: 12024 Since: 06-26-17 From: Maryland Last post: 309 days Last view: 31 days |
wouldn't know |
| Decoy Blimp |
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Normal User
Level: 44
Posts: 407/524 EXP: 599261 Next: 12024 Since: 06-26-17 From: Maryland Last post: 309 days Last view: 31 days |
Danika: Shit I don't know any from the 90s. Literally the only female rappers I know are Nicki Manaj, Cardi B and Iggy Azalea.
Epele: Hint: SHOOT TO THE STARS TO BUY CANDY BARS Robbie Rage: Holy FUCK I remember that show from when I was a kid! Haven't seen it in years! |
| Decoy Blimp |
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Normal User
Level: 44
Posts: 408/524 EXP: 599261 Next: 12024 Since: 06-26-17 From: Maryland Last post: 309 days Last view: 31 days |
So I'm waiting for the new Lil Pump album to drop tonight (Because I have shit taste) and he posted a video to Twitter three hours ago of him getting angry that he can't find his album. I know its all a joke and the album will drop but its hilarious. |
| Decoy Blimp |
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Normal User
Level: 44
Posts: 409/524 EXP: 599261 Next: 12024 Since: 06-26-17 From: Maryland Last post: 309 days Last view: 31 days |
That one where he has the blast from his brain |
| Decoy Blimp |
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Normal User
Level: 44
Posts: 410/524 EXP: 599261 Next: 12024 Since: 06-26-17 From: Maryland Last post: 309 days Last view: 31 days |
yes |
| Decoy Blimp |
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Normal User
Level: 44
Posts: 411/524 EXP: 599261 Next: 12024 Since: 06-26-17 From: Maryland Last post: 309 days Last view: 31 days |
Lil Peep - The Way I See Things
Its a shame I only found out about Peep long after he died. This is such a great song. |
| Decoy Blimp |
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Normal User
Level: 44
Posts: 412/524 EXP: 599261 Next: 12024 Since: 06-26-17 From: Maryland Last post: 309 days Last view: 31 days |
FUCK Im uninformed |
| Decoy Blimp |
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Normal User
Level: 44
Posts: 413/524 EXP: 599261 Next: 12024 Since: 06-26-17 From: Maryland Last post: 309 days Last view: 31 days |
I could tell you I'm real but would you believe me? |
| Decoy Blimp |
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Normal User
Level: 44
Posts: 414/524 EXP: 599261 Next: 12024 Since: 06-26-17 From: Maryland Last post: 309 days Last view: 31 days |
Yes |
| Decoy Blimp |
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Normal User
Level: 44
Posts: 415/524 EXP: 599261 Next: 12024 Since: 06-26-17 From: Maryland Last post: 309 days Last view: 31 days |
I ship me with myself coz I don't know people here well enough |
| Decoy Blimp |
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Normal User
Level: 44
Posts: 416/524 EXP: 599261 Next: 12024 Since: 06-26-17 From: Maryland Last post: 309 days Last view: 31 days |
I sure as hell am, I just don't listen to enough of it. When I listen to 80s music it's usually Hall & Oats or Bill Withers. MJ too. |
| Decoy Blimp |
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Normal User
Level: 44
Posts: 417/524 EXP: 599261 Next: 12024 Since: 06-26-17 From: Maryland Last post: 309 days Last view: 31 days |
Be forewarned, this thread is going to be a jumbled mess.
My dad isn't a bad person but he has a lot of issues that have affected me a lot over the years. Most times I try to be self-aware and acknowledge that when something happens (whether it be me doing something or some other external factor) that it's either my fault or that there's nothing he could have done, but because of this he's managed to chip away at my self-esteem little by little over the years and he doesn't even know or acknowledge he's doing it. I won't list all the reasons that resulted in his behavior because I don't want to share his private info on the web out of respect for him, but to be vague I'll just say his life hasn't been the greatest and I understand where the behavior I find wrong comes from. So we've been spending the past two years trying to move ourselves across the US to get out of my garbage hometown, so naturally that put him in a lot of very stressful situations. On top of that, he's also trying to start a business so that he can make an income, but he hasn't been able to work on it at all because he's constantly doing things for myself and my stepmom who has an auto-immune disorder and can't drive at the moment. This pretty much puts him in a constant state of stress, not only because he has to manage all of this stuff, but also because he's NEVER said no to others so he can do something for himself, so he just hides it and looks normal most of the time. But naturally he can't keep everything bottled up so when he stops hiding the fact that he's stressed he acts like a whiny little teenager and is snippy and angry at both me and my stepmom. For most of this summer this happens at least once every other week, but in some situations its happened for a few consecutive days. This is one of those grey areas for me. This is something I can't stand and I try not to let it get to me but eventually it does and it stresses me out, A LOT. And while on the one hand I understand where all of this is coming from, I feel like he could have done something to give himself a substantial release. I'm not in his shoes though so I can't judge too much. What I feel I can judge though is his "anger." I put anger in quotes because when he gets passionate about something he raises his voice a bit and looks quite angry. This has been going on my entire life and whenever anyone has called him out on it (including me) he just says "I'm not being angry, I'm just passionate." I know he picked up his behavior from the time he spent in Greece (If you've been to Greece you know what I mean), but AMERICA ISN'T FUCKING GREECE. I haven't been able to get over this shit my entire life because I can never tell when he's angry and when he isn't and he clings to that whole "I'm not angry" defense for dear life. In my opinion, this is something that HE NEEDS to fix, it shouldn't be my responsibility to get over it. Furthermore, whenever I call this out, his second line of defense is always "Really? Was I about to hit you?" To be fair, he rarely if ever gets physical (he did slap me once when I was being a pain in the ass but it wasn't a hard one and looking back I kinda had it coming), but just because he isn't getting physical doesn't mean that his seemingly angry outbursts are okay. For most of my life I've always been scared of him because of this and sometimes I've cowered when he gets angry. On a few occasions he's even mocked my cowering and called it "pussy shit," which he still tries to justify whenever I try to bring it up (I haven't been able to mention the exact things he's said, but I don't think it would have made any difference if I did). Like I get that to an extent I should fear my dad whenever I do something out of line or whatever but I feel like this is overkill, yet he continues to blame me for being upset with his anger. To be fair, these kinds of outbursts usually happen because I didn't do something I was supposed to (or vice verse) or because I said something disrespectful, and even though I still think he's being overkill I should be on top of my shit so I'm more understanding in those situations. However, over this summer we've had a lot of conversations about school and my academic performance because frankly, it hasn't been great. Up until Junior year I didn't attend a school that was good so the staff's incompetence combined with my ADD resulted in me being a pretty shitty student. Junior year was a nightmare because transitioning to a school where teachers actually expect you to do shit and give you a substantial workload was new and stressful, so lots of anxiety ensued and I didn't do very well junior year (My GPA was 2.4 by the end of the year). While the people at my school are more quick to congratulate me on my progress and urge me to do better, I feel constantly pressured by my parents because they know I can do better than I did. In the more heated conversations we've had about this, my dad usually looks pretty mad at me. He gets on my case for doing a bunch of extra-curriculars and hanging out with friends a bit too much, occasionally throwing in little mocking insults like "'Look at me I'm a musician now'" because of my newfound interest in music production. Like yeah we've talked about this before, you don't need to rub it in, and you CERTAINLY don't need to mock me either. I acknowledge that I shouldn't have spent extra time doing non-academic stuff but like, Jesus Christ, calm down. We even had a conversation in the car once where he was basically saying the exact same things I had talked to my stepmom about the night before but in a really angry way while also threatening to pull me out of my dream school if my GPA drops too low. Naturally I felt a little uneasy here because it seemed like he was going off on me for no reason, and then, ONCE AGAIN, he tries to pin the blame on me when he notices that I sound irritated and uncomfortable when he's telling me all this stuff. The worst part was that when he asked me why I was getting so upset and I responded with "Because you just threatened to pull me out of school of I don't do well enough," he tells me he wasn't threatening me. I dunno if I'm crazy, but telling me you're going to pull me out of school if I don't do good enough sounds like THE DEFINITION OF A FUCKING THREAT. Maybe I'm in the wrong on that one, I don't know. So yeah long story short he appears way too angry when he supposedly isn't and he blames everyone but himself when someone calls him out. I don't see why I or anyone else should be the one to change their mindset when this behavior is not normal. I've occasionally brought up him occasionally mocking and insulting me, and that's where we encounter another problem. Whenever I try to talk to him and tell him he's said something that has hurt me, he almost always responds with "I wasn't trying to make fun of you, you're making this up in your head," which is one of the most dismissive things I've ever heard. I'm well aware fo the fact that I can be a sensitive person and for years I've been trying to not let him get to me, but for fucks sake, he's my FATHER. I've dealt with enough bullshit from people at my previous schools and whatnot, the last person I need dishing out mocking insults is my fucking parent. Like we're not living in a cesspit of vaporwave memes here, I'm not making this shit up in my head because I'm bored or whatever, I was legitimately hurt. And yeah, maybe he wasn't trying to be hurtful, but if that's the case, then maybe he should rethink the way he expresses himself instead of dismissing my complaints. And speaking of dismissive behavior, whenever we get into arguments like this he always tries to guilt me by talking about how he's kept me clothed, fed, etc. and how he moved across the country all for me and how I'm acting like I don't care. No dumbass, I do care, but I also think you act like an asshole sometimes and I'm not gonna sit around and pretend that what you're doing doesn't affect me. Its like he's desperately trying to shut me down and guilt is always his last tactic. Its really annoying. Most of this behavior isn't anything new, this has been going on my whole life, the thing is that it wasn't until recently that I decided to stand up for myself and tell him that I don't think this shit is okay instead of letting him walk all over me because he's upset. I did confront him about it on the way home from the airport one night and it went exactly like I had expected it to. He acted angry and dismissive and tried to guilt me about it when we got back to the apartment, but that time I didn't cower. I actually kept my chin up and kept repeating "Don't back down" in my head over and over until I got back in the apartment and went to sleep. Like I said in the beginning, I understand where this behavior comes from and I'm sympathetic but at the same time I can't just pretend I'm okay with some of this shit. He would seek therapy but he's too busy to get it, so until his schedule frees up enough for him to see a therapist I'm stuck with this shit long into the foreseeable future. I go back to school in two days and I go to boarding school so I won't have to see him very often. I'm now entering my senior year of high school so I'm just an inch away from getting away from him and his insanity. That being said though, despite me having a more established opinion than I used to, sometimes I'm not sure whether or not I'm being unreasonable or not. I'm assuming I'm not for the sake of my sanity, but based on the things I described, am I being an asshole or am I being at least somewhat reasonable? Or is it a mix of both? I guess what I'm looking for is an outside opinion. I don't have a therapist to meet with outside of school so I have to wait until I get back on campus to see the counselor I usually talk to, so this will have to do for now. Thanks for reading this massive text wall. |
| Decoy Blimp |
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Normal User
Level: 44
Posts: 418/524 EXP: 599261 Next: 12024 Since: 06-26-17 From: Maryland Last post: 309 days Last view: 31 days |
Posted by EpelePosted by Decoy BlimpNarcissist. No u |
| Decoy Blimp |
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Normal User
Level: 44
Posts: 419/524 EXP: 599261 Next: 12024 Since: 06-26-17 From: Maryland Last post: 309 days Last view: 31 days |
Think the blue wave will happen at the mid-terms? |
| Decoy Blimp |
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Normal User
Level: 44
Posts: 420/524 EXP: 599261 Next: 12024 Since: 06-26-17 From: Maryland Last post: 309 days Last view: 31 days |
Noted |
| Main - Posts by Decoy Blimp |
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