JANUARY 27

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Total amount of posts: 57

1	Danielle	13
2	Phyresis	9
3	Squiddy	6
4	Nicole	5
4	ゼンガー・ゾンボルト	5

Daily Points

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1	Danielle	10
2	Phyresis	7
3	Squiddy	5
4	ゼンガー・ゾンボルト	3
4	Nicole	3

Monthly Points

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1	Danielle	154
2	Lili~ ♥	152
3	Squiddy	150
4	Epele	124
5	Nicole	75
6	skyl	42
7	Googie	37
8	SapphireBlaze	30
9	ゼンガー・ゾンボルト	29
10	ek_0	23
11	Phyresis	20
12	Trelior	18
13	KP	17
14	AbareKiller	13
14	Arisotura	13
16	Emuz	10
17	Mary	8
18	Gohan	7
19	Kaj	6
20	Nin	5
20	Jamie	5
22	Yushe	1
22	Kawa	1
22	Skiaak	1
22	sleepy	1
22	shibboleet	1
22	Cackletta	1

I weighed myself. I got fatter again.

Looks like it's never going to stop...

My mind is a vast space of emptiness.

...honestly, sometimes I don't even know who I am.

Why is everyone always too early with things?

Happy birthday, Dani! *hugs*
I'd give you a cake but you'd just let me eat it because I need it more.

JANUARY 29

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Total amount of posts: 40

1	Squiddy	14
2	Nicole	4
2	ek_0	4
2	Epele	4
5	Danielle	3
5	ゼンガー・ゾンボルト	3

Daily Points

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1	Squiddy	10
2	Epele	7
2	ek_0	7
2	Nicole	7
5	ゼンガー・ゾンボルト	1
5	Danielle	1

Monthly Points

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1	Squiddy	170
2	Danielle	162
3	Lili~ ♥	152
4	Epele	132
5	Nicole	87
6	skyl	42
7	Googie	38
8	SapphireBlaze	35
9	ek_0	31
10	ゼンガー・ゾンボルト	30
11	Phyresis	20
12	Trelior	18
13	KP	17
14	AbareKiller	13
14	Arisotura	13
16	Emuz	10
17	Mary	8
18	Gohan	7
19	Kaj	6
20	Nin	5
20	Jamie	5
22	Yushe	1
22	Kawa	1
22	Skiaak	1
22	sleepy	1
22	shibboleet	1
22	Cackletta	1

Posted by ゼンガー・ゾンボルト

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Have you got help with assembling your computer yet?

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I still haven't.

I bet it will stay unassembled for months.

Posted by Dani

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Doing anything for your birthday yet?

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I really haven't thought about planning three months in advance, I mean, I have enough issues surviving the next few days...

Posted by Squiddy

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So, I am generally as warm and gentle as a blanket made of kittens? I thought that I could be pretty mean because I have BPD.

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You're only mean when your mind decides to hate me for no reason. It happens. You'll learn to control your emotions with time.

JANUARY 30

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Total amount of posts: 31

1	Squiddy	7
2	SapphireBlaze	5
3	ゼンガー・ゾンボルト	4
4	Nicole	3
5	ek_0	2
5	Lili~ ♥	2

Daily Points

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1	Squiddy	10
2	SapphireBlaze	7
3	ゼンガー・ゾンボルト	5
4	Nicole	3
5	Lili~ ♥	1
5	ek_0	1

Monthly Points

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1	Squiddy	180
2	Danielle	162
3	Lili~ ♥	153
4	Epele	132
5	Nicole	90
6	SapphireBlaze	42
6	skyl	42
8	Googie	38
9	ゼンガー・ゾンボルト	35
10	ek_0	32
11	Phyresis	20
12	Trelior	18
13	KP	17
14	AbareKiller	13
14	Arisotura	13
16	Emuz	10
17	Mary	8
18	Gohan	7
19	Kaj	6
20	Jamie	5
20	Nin	5
22	Yushe	1
22	Skiaak	1
22	shibboleet	1
22	Cackletta	1
22	Kawa	1
22	sleepy	1

I don't know what I should say, and it's kinda hard to explain this, but...

I've always behaved a bit irrationally. I was overly clingy whenever I made friends (which was rare by itself) and I would basically follow them and watch their every step. And if at a certain minute of time they didn't interact with me but decided to hang out with other people, I started to feel abandoned and hate them.

I'm also so sensitive and it's extremely easy to "break" me, or so to say. If you do or say something, I'm highly likely to interpret it in a way that makes me feel offended, so I get all angry. Usually, I'll go cry for a while and then explain how I understood it and everything resolves itself.

I'm amazed Gywall has managed to deal with me for such a long time since I've exploded at her more than a few times. It was really hard at first to deal with being alone, because I felt abandoned every time. I'm learning to cope a bit better with it, but, you know, you never truly get rid of it.

Now, I'm suffering from violent mood swings that make me either exceptionally happy or clinically depressed, simply by certain minor actions that seem to hit me hard. I know Gywall likes to make jokes about it but I'm actually suffering from it and there are days where I feel awful and just want to die. (Yesterday was one such day, if the KCS title was of any indication. Yes, I suffer from self-hate as well in such situations.)

I only realized I might be borderline after I met another person on the Internet who is, because we share so many of the symptoms. And that made me think about it. My symptoms seem to be getting worse and I do think I really need treatment because I don't think I'll be able to deal with it by myself. I couldn't finish school because I started crying during class and randomly hating people for reasons they could never understand. If I were to get a job, either I'd quit after getting offended by someone (well, "offended"), or I'd start hating everyone and get fired.

Sigh, I really need a good therapist to work with me, but it's so haaaard... :<

Posted by ゼンガー・ゾンボルト

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OC?

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Officer's Club.

I wish I had made it to university. But I'm a dropout, so...

I'm now on Windows 7.

This will certainly take some getting used to...

Posted by sleepy

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What do you think of Autism?

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You're asking the right one. I've been diagnosed with it.

I've more or less accepted I'll never get a job and I should just apply for disability. On the other hand, it gives me access to some cool friends who are otherwise lonely and perceived as "awkward" by society, even though they definitely aren't.

Posted by Dani

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If your shrink prescribed you Cymbalta, would you take it or ask for something else?

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I'd honestly be scared because I haven't heard many good things about it. But I guess there's no way to know until you try...

JANUARY 31

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Total amount of posts: 27

1	Lili~ ♥	5
2	Squiddy	4
3	ek_0	3
4	Phyresis	2
4	Danielle	2
4	ゼンガー・ゾンボルト	2
4	Epele	2
4	Arisotura	2

Daily Points

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1	Lili~ ♥	10
2	Squiddy	7
3	ek_0	5
4	Arisotura	3
4	Epele	3
4	Phyresis	3
4	Danielle	3
4	ゼンガー・ゾンボルト	3

Monthly Points

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1	Squiddy	187
2	Danielle	165
3	Lili~ ♥	163
4	Epele	135
5	Nicole	90
6	SapphireBlaze	42
6	skyl	42
8	Googie	38
8	ゼンガー・ゾンボルト	38
10	ek_0	37
11	Phyresis	23
12	Trelior	18
13	KP	17
14	Arisotura	16
15	AbareKiller	13
16	Emuz	10
17	Mary	8
18	Gohan	7
19	Kaj	6
20	Nin	5
20	Jamie	5
22	Yushe	1
22	Kawa	1
22	Skiaak	1
22	sleepy	1
22	shibboleet	1
22	Cackletta	1

FEBRUARY 1

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Total amount of posts: 38

1	Squiddy	10
2	Epele	5
2	Danielle	5
4	Trelior	3
4	ゼンガー・ゾンボルト	3

Daily Points

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1	Squiddy	10
2	Danielle	7
2	Epele	7
4	ゼンガー・ゾンボルト	3
4	Trelior	3

Monthly Points

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1	Squiddy	10
2	Danielle	7
2	Epele	7
4	ゼンガー・ゾンボルト	3
4	Trelior	3

Home-made marmalade.

It's really great... it tastes so well unlike the stuff from the supermarket...

I sleep so much better when it's silent in the room. It was really a good idea to decide to turn off my computer at night.

FEBRUARY 2

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Total amount of posts: 17

1	Squiddy	3
1	Lili~ ♥	3
3	skyl	2
3	ek_0	2
5	Googie	1
5	Nicole	1
5	Danielle	1
5	Epele	1
5	Arisotura	1
5	ゼンガー・ゾンボルト	1
5	KP	1

Daily Points

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1	Lili~ ♥	10
1	Squiddy	10
3	ek_0	5
3	skyl	5
5	ゼンガー・ゾンボルト	1
5	KP	1
5	Arisotura	1
5	Nicole	1
5	Googie	1
5	Danielle	1
5	Epele	1

Monthly Points

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1	Squiddy	20
2	Lili~ ♥	10
3	Epele	8
3	Danielle	8
5	ek_0	5
5	skyl	5
7	ゼンガー・ゾンボルト	4
8	Trelior	3
9	KP	1
9	Arisotura	1
9	Googie	1
9	Nicole	1

FEBRUARY 3

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Total amount of posts: 10

1	ek_0	2
1	Squiddy	2
1	Epele	2
4	Emuz	1
4	KP	1
4	Lili~ ♥	1
4	skyl	1

Daily Points

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1	ek_0	10
1	Epele	10
1	Squiddy	10
4	skyl	3
4	Lili~ ♥	3
4	Emuz	3
4	KP	3

Monthly Points

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1	Squiddy	30
2	Epele	18
3	ek_0	15
4	Lili~ ♥	13
5	skyl	8
5	Danielle	8
7	ゼンガー・ゾンボルト	4
7	KP	4
9	Emuz	3
9	Trelior	3
11	Googie	1
11	Nicole	1
11	Arisotura	1

I almost collapsed today because I had no time to eat. I've actually been told I looked really pale and awful.

Sugar deprivation is not fun.

FEBRUARY 4

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Total amount of posts: 27

1	Squiddy	5
2	Danielle	4
2	Epele	4
4	Phyresis	3
4	SapphireBlaze	3

Daily Points

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1	Squiddy	10
2	Epele	7
2	Danielle	7
4	SapphireBlaze	3
4	Phyresis	3

Monthly Points

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1	Squiddy	40
2	Epele	25
3	ek_0	15
3	Danielle	15
5	Lili~ ♥	13
6	skyl	8
7	KP	4
7	ゼンガー・ゾンボルト	4
9	Phyresis	3
9	Emuz	3
9	Trelior	3
9	SapphireBlaze	3
13	Nicole	1
13	Arisotura	1
13	Googie	1

Posted by Nicole

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Clearly you've been talking to Epele more often, acquiring Britishisms like that

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I never even noticed that. I guess she's really influencing me.

I guess it's only a matter of time before I start talking about colours and crisps.