Is there even a way to get out of it? I lose hope a little more every day. Every time I try, destiny strikes harder to put me back in my little nerd box.



I found out that it all boils down to social intelligence. You make friends, you make more friends, you do interesting shit with them, and you have a not-too-boring life.

How do you make friends? You find people with whom you can share things you are into.

Easy, right?



... not when you're me and the things you are into (hacking, reverse-engineering, programming, etc) are completely alien. Nobody else does that shit, except for like 10 people you can meet via the internet.

That basically leaves me with two solutions with other people:

a) talk about my alien things and bore everyone to death
b) stay silent, be a nerd


Regardless of what I end up doing, I can't make friends. I can hang out with people, that's all. It doesn't help that I'm a complete social idiot, either, but obviously I can't work on my social skills if all I do is stay behind and say nothing.


All of that basically forcing me into a boring, flat nerd life.





Is there a way out of it? As I said, I lose hope a little more every day. But let's say we continue on this way... I am now 40 years old, working a shitty job and getting bored at the office. I remind myself of my oh so crazy youth. That time where you're supposed to have fun and all, and enjoy it while it lasts, right? Was all boring. I failed my life, let's end it now.

No, no, no. I don't want to end up in that shit. Life doesn't have to be shitty (and suicide is for cowards). But where's the way out of this boring shit? What if the destiny really wants me to have a boring life?




It's also a pain to get to do anything interesting here. This place sucks. Getting in any interesting place is a pain.

"just move out" -- yeah yeah, as if it was that easy. I know zero about that field. My mom would abuse that and do everything she can to keep me from doing it, basically shoving a ton of negative shit into my face, as she always does when you want to do something she doesn't approve of. I'd look like a naive dumbass with nothing to stand on, and basically be defeated. And even if I managed to move out... I'd end up with no support because "oh noes, too expensive", and I'd have to work a shitton outside of univ to support myself.

____________________
Kuribo64 - melonDS

want some revolution in your coffee?

Regardless of how much courage suicide may take, it's still the easy way out. Ending your life instead of, you know, living it.


I'm not planning on killing myself, if that's what you mean by 'leaving us'. Looking at it objectively, it's not like my life is completely miserable (and even then, there's always a way out, atleast for certain things).



That said, dunno where to go. All my attempts at being less of a nerd/social idiot have been met with failure so far. I take it as signs that destiny is against me. Then again, that may be bullshit. Repeated failure is something I don't stand well. (that's also why I worry about finding a job, they say you have to apply to a billion jobs to hopefully get something)


I mostly need to harden myself. I have been raised in an easy comfy environment, I have always gotten good grades at school (well, good enough to pass), basically I have never had to work really hard to get something. And well, that's a bad thing now. The time of easy success is over, I have to either harden myself and work hard, or be a loser.


Regarding the social shit, I could try to follow Nicole's advice, see where that gets me. I should also try doing new things, who knows.

____________________
Kuribo64 - melonDS

want some revolution in your coffee?

Well, thank you guys for your replies


You're right there, KP. I'll try my best. I'll let you guys know how these things go.

____________________
Kuribo64 - melonDS

want some revolution in your coffee?

I hate this. There's no progress happening. I'm stagnating. Well it's because there aren't much new people to meet around the places where I go.


What else could I do? Find things to do. I always have the feeling that anything I will try will end up being a waste of time and money. Even moreso as getting to any interesting place from where I live is a pain. And after all the univ bullshit, I just want to get back home.


Or talk to random strangers? Kind of a waste of time too. Maybe an interesting conversation can happen. But if I don't meet people on a regular basis, they just forget about me.

____________________
Kuribo64 - melonDS

want some revolution in your coffee?

The thing is, I don't want to regret having wasted my life. Young people are having fun, having amazing parties and vacation trips with friends, having sex with girls, all that. None of that has happened to me so far.

Time passes, and I don't want to end up being one of those frustrated old people who keep telling young people to enjoy their life while it lasts because they failed theirs.

But no matter what I do, I have no control over this. Destiny has decided my life would be the way it is.

It's like for getting girls: why would a girl choose me when there are so many better guys around? Stronger, faster, more beautiful, more intelligent, more fun to be with, etc... Oh right, I have qualities too. Maybe I'm a better programmer. But that doesn't attract girls. Too bad.


Life is going, and I have no control over it. Maybe I should just resign and accept who I am instead of desperately hoping to be who I will never be. Maybe that's the key to happiness.

____________________
Kuribo64 - melonDS

want some revolution in your coffee?